by the lake journal entry

15 July 2011

This world is a cage. Not only containing those who are Christians (true believers, Jesus-freaks, etc.) from eternal living among the dead prophets and disciples of the Savior's time on earth, but the nature surrounding our humanity. As man cries for pain to end, the seas crash, and the wind torments the trees and creature within and around them, forcing some to bow. If there are such characters of life as the waters and trees where my God (the God) dwells among the forgiven and saved... what an image they must be. For I am now lost in gratitude in this enjoyment of such beauty of creation----where presently, evil seems absent. At the moment, this thought that evil being departed and separate from where I sit has allowed an attempt to measure God's brilliance. But that is a silly venture for anyone to attempt to understand, and this understanding of this incapability further allows me to recognize the Lord's glory and majesty. Yet now (as moments and time has continued), I feel discomfort, as the chill of winds whip through. Such a simple action that occurs often in everyone's life----if not chilly winds, the earnest heat that our skin so fluently absorbs from the sun, or the abundance of rain and snow that buries and drowns both the animate and the inanimate beings. This is not where I belong ~ nor do many others----at least not for forever. But we are here. And with this current setting that I survive with much assistance from my Father, in situations in which I decline and fail, I recognize my captivity and need for this Savior of mine.

I Desire This Perspective

Following my first experience at a conference (Resolved) held in a setting of isolation and the weary, and while encompassed within the support of thousands of fellow lovers of Christ, led by humbled speakers, and wonderful worship... I am continuing to realize the wasted life I used to orchestrate.
So often I would act upon the cliche that this is "Heaven on Earth". I would dwell in this idea without noticing it, leading to my unattainable expectations which concluded with a low set of confidence and often laziness. This life I beheld was one only directed for myself, glossing---or being ignorant of how I must have been saddening my Father with this dead life of mine. These expectations I produced and fastened myself to, were not so much ignoring the will of God, but limiting what I did not understand, though I had convinced myself that I truly did. Such concerns as marriage--my husband would be a wonderfully godly man, putting God before me; he would enjoy outdoor activities often-& not be too shabby at them; the man would be dashing and attractive, and he too would desire to be on the mission field. The other constant topic of my ideals was the one of where I would be sent if I were to depart for the mission grounds--I enjoyed the idea (and still do, but with some additions of every possibility) that God would send me to a place that the idea of it didn't frighten me. Possibly Brazil (any of S. America), China (nearly all of Asia), Indonesia (east islands), Africa, and so on. Yet the possibility of two places that made me anxious the most were the Middle East and India. While both cultures interest me BY FAR... I didn't believe I could ever truly be comfortable there.
HA.
Oh, discomfort... this is what I now have been inviting and for myself. One of my most fond books of the Bible, Philippians-a constant read of mine, has benefited me in this, while in the past I glazed over such truth that has strengthened me. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication  with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6,7).
So, I am no longer striving to create this heavenly lifestyle in this decaying, sinful world. But I am constantly being made new through my reading, tiresome experience, and encouraging friends.
An example of this reading comes from a letter from Mary Love, who was writing to her husband who was to be executed the following day while she was pregnant (eight-months along) with their third child. Her interpretation of the action that would follow that next day is one that has made my desire for Heaven now a longing.. yet while I wait, I shall continue to experience trial and walk in a manner that pleases the Lord.
---Here is the letter


July 14, 1651

Before I write a word further, I beseech thee to think not that it is thy wife but a friend now that writes to thee. I hope thou hast freely given up thy wife and children to God, who hath said in Jeremiah 49:11, “Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive, and let thy widow trust in me.” Thy Maker will be my husband, and a Father to thy children. O that the Lord would keep thee from having one troubled thought for thy relations. I desire freely to give thee up into thy Father’s hands, and not only look upon it as a crown of glory for thee to die for Christ, but as an honor to me that I should have a husband to leave for Christ.
I dare not speak to thee, nor have a thought within my own heart of my own unspeakable loss, but wholly keep my eye fixed upon thy inexpressible and inconceivable gain. Thou leavest but a sinful, mortal wife to be everlastingly married to the Lord of glory. Thou leavest but children, brothers, and sisters to go to the Lord Jesus, thy eldest Brother. Thou leavest friends on earth to go to the enjoyment of saints and angels, and the spirits of just men made perfect in glory. Thou dost but leave earth for heaven and changest a prison for a palace. And if natural affections should begin to arise, I hope that the spirit of grace that is within thee will quell them, knowing that all things here below are but dung and dross in comparison of those things that are above. I know thou keepest thine eye fixed on the hope of glory, which makes thy feet trample on the loss of earth.
My dear, I know God hath not only prepared glory for thee, and thee for it, but I am persuaded that He will sweeten the way for thee to come to the enjoyment of it. When thou art putting thy clothes on that morning, O think, “I am now putting on my wedding garments to go to be married to my everlasting Redeemer.”
When the messenger of death comes to thee, let him not seem dreadful to thee, but look on him as a messenger that brings thee tidings of eternal life. When thou goest up the scaffold, think (as thou saidst to me) that it is but thy fiery chariot to carry thee up to thy Father’s house.
And when thy layest thy precious head down to recieve thy Father’s stroke, remember what thou saidst to me: Though thy head was severed from thy body, yet in a moment thy soul should be united to thy Head, the Lord Jesus, in heaven. And though it may seem something bitter, that by the hands of men we are parted a little sooner than otherwise we might have been, yet let us consider that it is the decree and will of our Father, and it will not be long ere we shall enjoy one another in heaven again.
Let us comfort one another with these sayings. Be comforted, my dear heart. It is but a little stroke and thou shalt be there where the weary shall be at rest and the wicked shall cease from troubling. Remember that thou mayest eat thy dinner with bitter herbs, yet thou shalt have a sweet supper with Christ that night. My dear, by what I write unto thee, I do not hereby undertake to teach thee; for these comforts I have received from the Lord by thee. I will write no more, nor trouble thee any further, but commit thee into the arms of God with whom ere long thee and I shall be.
Farewell, my dear. I shall never see thy face more till we both behold the face of the Lord Jesus at that great day.
~Mary Love

I thank God for this dreadful world, where it only enlarges God's sovereignty and His glory.